The difference between forgiveness and Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a notion that most of us are aware of and familiar with, but sometimes I get the feeling that folks don't realize the full meaning of the word. Oftentimes they allow their own rationalizations to get in the way of extracting the joy that comes from true forgiveness.

For instance, I read the other day someone saying that "a righteous person should forgive privately because to forgive others' sins is God's business, not ours". The person went on to say that announcing to someone that you have forgiven him/her is downright sinful, because it is self-serving and turns a blind eye to wickedness.

I disagree with the statement above wholeheartedly. Forgiveness may be God's business, but those of us who fear Him are the carriers of His business here on Earth. Furthermore, drawing from my Christian worldview, I believe that forgiveness is a two-way street, where one person offers forgiveness and the other receives it; if either one of the parts is missing, true forgiveness is not achieved. Man does not receive God's forgiveness and the gift of salvation unless he asks for and takes hold of it. Salvation is available to all, but only enjoyed by those who embrace it. Analogously, your offender will only take hold of your forgiveness if it is somehow communicated to him or her. How would I know to ask God for forgiveness of my sins had He not communicated to me that I was a sinner in the first place and that He was willing to forgive me? At the same time, God doesn't simply say "turn or burn"; rather, He continually demonstrates His unconditional love towards us (with its epiphany in Jesus' death and resurrection on the cross) to elicit our need for repentance. In short, He gives us a reason to desire forgiveness.

This is where the analogy ends. God is sovereign, perfect, and (most relevant to this discussion) just. In His perfect and sovereign justice, He will ultimately judge and condemn those who refuse to accept His means for reconciliation. Damnation is exactly this: God finally granting one's desire to be eternally separated from Him, despite His beckoning throughout one's life. Make no mistake: to be damned is a bad thing; the Bible makes this very clear (Matt.13:42; Rev. 21:8). For those who like fantasy and allegory, C.S. Lewis’ The Great Divorce paints a haunting picture of what eternal separation from God might be like from our infinitely limited human perspective.

But I digress. Most likely, you will not have to tell your offender that you were wronged against. But there's still the part where you do need to demonstrate that you are willing to forgive, so that your offender will be prompted to reconcile the relationship and thus accomplish the forgiveness process. It is a beautiful and restoring experience that will not be enjoyed if you just forgive your offender "silently" (if such a thing is possible at all). Furthermore, forgiveness will only turn a blind eye to wickedness if your offender is not really regretful, and this only ratifies my view that forgiveness is indeed a two-way street. You cannot shake hands with a person that has no hands; in the same way, you cannot forgive a person who is not willing to receive forgiveness.

To be clear, I absolutely emphasize that we ought to have a forgiving attitude at all times, as instructed by Jesus himself:

Then Peter came to Him and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. (Matthew 18:21-23)

Note: Obviously, the seventy times seven is not to be taken literally, but as an indication that one should always forgive.

For the sake of semantic clarity, let me attempt to differentiate prosaic forgiveness from full-blown Forgiveness (note the uppercase in this latter instance of the word). In this scenario, Forgiveness can be understood as a natural law or perhaps a logical proposition. It can possibly be better described by a formula:

Forgiveness = "outgoing forgiveness" (to give up resentment of or claim to requital for) + "incoming forgiveness" (to be made aware that resentment was relinquished and repent).

Our job as victims of the offense is to dispense outgoing forgiveness and hope and pray for our offender to receive incoming forgiveness in order for Forgiveness to be achieved.

Looking back at the statement that prompted me to write this little essay, I cannot help but think that "silent forgiveness" is indeed what is sinful, self-serving, and actually quite convenient. It is loveless and has no sacrificial quality.

In conclusion, I challenge you to think about your own convictions about Forgiveness and strive not to deprive yourself from letting it run its full course, either as an offender or the victim of the offense.